Affection for a work friend: could this be love?

You say you’re unsure whether you’re in love. You work together at the same university and have grown close over many months. He isn’t perfect; his behaviour sometimes annoys you in company, yet you picture holidays with him, want to spend a lot of time together, and share light physical contact like touching arms.

You feel deep affection. Annalisa points out that asking whether you might be in love with him — rather than whether he might love you — shows ownership of the feeling. Unless you have only one friend, the very fact that you’re questioning this suggests your emotions go beyond ordinary friendship.

What ‘‘in love’’ means depends on the expectations you attach to it. Psychotherapist Susanna Abse distinguishes kinds of falling in love: an explosive, all-consuming passion and a slower, pragmatic togetherness that popular culture rarely depicts. Abse asks whether being in love to you implies a sexual relationship.

work friend, in love, affection, office romance, university colleagues, platonic friendship, romantic feelings, psychotherapist, susanna abse, annalisa