Tim Dowling: I’m all for ‘letting the outdoors in’ – but I draw the line at pigeons

Our kitchen extension is a single-storey box with a big skylight, a picture window and glass double doors leading to the garden. It’s the sort of arrangement that advocates say brings the outdoors indoors. What they don’t say is: birds will get in. In summer, when the doors are open and sunlight blurs kitchen and garden, a magpie will sometimes stroll in, glance around and walk back out, as if he were looking for sporting equipment and mistakenly found himself in housewares.

Once a goldfinch sat on top of the cupboards; my wife posted a picture to the family WhatsApp captioned “kitchen visitor.” The oldest asked if he got out and my wife wrote, “I threw a tea towel over him. Dad was hiding due to his bird phobia.” I posted my own picture of the goldfinch to prove I was in the room.

I draw no pleasure from sharing indoor space with birds, but I can make them leave when I’m alone; if my wife is there I’m happy to let her wield the tea towel.

pigeons, birds, magpie, goldfinch, kitchen extension, skylight, picture window, glass doors, garden, bird phobia