How a simple morning-evening rota changed our parenting

When my second child was born in 2021 I realised I needed a new system. Coming out of lockdown, I was tired and overwhelmed; we had built a mini unit in the UK while our families lived in the US, and I started a literary agency as soon as my daughter hit nursery at six months.

I threw myself into research—parenting books, videos and podcasts—while my husband, a research professor, made a colour-coded spreadsheet of tasks. The spreadsheet initially helped, but tasks drifted to me and resentment grew amid night feeds, pumping and financial pressure.

After sharing a viral comic about the “mental load” we sat down and listed every responsibility. Rather than splitting tasks, we divided the day into shifts: he took the morning — breakfast, getting dressed, packing school bags and drop-off — and I took pickup onwards.

United Kingdom

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