Friend group urged to address member’s obsessive boyfriend updates

In a letter to the New York Times Social Q’s column, a member of a seven-woman friend group said one friend has talked incessantly for two years about her adult daughter’s boyfriend, prompting others to make gentle jokes and to avoid asking questions about him.

The group’s tactic has been to deflect the topic with oblique jokes and to refrain from fueling further conversation; one writer said she now avoids the woman because she does not want to hear the minutiae of the boyfriend’s life. The columnist noted that none of the seven had taken the woman aside privately to ask, “You talk about your daughter’s boyfriend so much. Are you worried about their relationship?” and said maternal concern seemed as likely an explanation as mere obsession.

The columnist criticized the passive-aggressive approach, urged friends to "take care of one another," and recommended a private conversation. He wrote that doing so would "almost guarantee" that the group would either uncover a simmering worry or see the boyfriend recede as a topic of conversation.

Key Topics

Culture, Friend Group, Social Q's, Philip Galanes, Adult Daughter, Boyfriend