Becoming an uncle helped me heal from childhood bullying

I found out I had become an uncle at 22 while on a year abroad in Madrid as part of a languages degree. I spent much of my time on the city’s gay scene and felt a long way from my family in Bolton. It was 1997, before mobile phones, and calls from landlines had to be rationed to once a week; my mum phoned to say my sister had gone into labour and then, two days later, that I had a nephew.

The news felt abstract and I had to wait six weeks to fly home, reverting in the meantime to wild nights out that made the idea of responsibility feel incompatible with my life. When I finally met him I fell instantly in love, but he was so small and fragile that I was nervous about picking him up and he cried the entire weekend.

I didn’t know how to calm him or wind him, and although I was bursting with love I wasn’t sure how to express it. I’d grown up at a time when gay men were widely considered a danger to children and Section 28 existed to stop us “promoting” our sexuality in schools.

Spain, Madrid

uncle, nephew, childhood bullying, madrid, bolton, 1997, gay scene, section 28, year abroad, languages degree