Modern Love asks readers to share their rules for dating

The New York Times's Modern Love column on Jan. 21, 2026, asked readers to submit their personal rules for navigating early romance to help create a new crowdsourced list. The piece recalled the 1995 best-seller The Rules, which offered 35 directives for heterosexual women based on the assumption that men were hunters and women should act like "docile, disinterested prey," including injunctions such as "Don't talk to a man first," "Don't go Dutch on a date," "Don't accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday," "Don't rush into sex" and the vague advice to "Be honest but mysterious." The column noted that many found those rules misguided even in 1995 and said there remains a hunger for guidance amid modern dating's changes.

The column asked readers to describe surprising strategies they use to narrow the field, their red, green or yellow flags, deal breakers, how they decide who initiates or who pays, rules for sex, texting etiquette and how they end things when there is no future. It requested submissions via a form by Sunday, Feb.

1, at 11:59 p.m. Pacific and said participants must use their full legal name to take part. The Modern Love team said it will not publish any part of a response without first contacting the respondent, verifying their information and hearing back, and that it will not share contact information outside The New York Times newsroom or use it for other purposes.

Key Topics

Culture, Modern Love, The Rules, Dating Etiquette, Texting Etiquette, Deal Breakers