I survived breast cancer. I wasn't prepared for what came next.

I was grateful to be in remission for five years, but the anniversary was quieter than I expected. It fell on a regular Tuesday: I took my kids to school and went to work. There was no fanfare — I was healthy, and life had to go on. After my first battle, I chose EMDR, a specialized trauma therapy, because I was strongly suspected to have PTSD.

The sessions helped me feel safer and less like a cancer patient, but the cancer shadow still lurks. Sounds can trigger memories of the hardest days; once, a coffee shop timer set off the same panic as the timers on IV poles at my chemo infusion center. Fighting cancer has been financially draining, even with excellent health insurance.

In about 18 months I had dozens of lab, surgery, exam, chemo, heart-scan, and radiation appointments. Even after hitting my out-of-pocket max we paid for gas and car wear to get to appointments. I didn’t work for about six months while in chemo and then had thirty-three rounds of radiation, and the follow-up scans, exams, and labs continue to add up.

breast cancer, remission, ptsd, emdr, chemo, radiation, survivorship, follow-up scans, financial burden, panic triggers